S2 Ep4: Negativity bias - why you hold yourself back
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[00:00:00] Welcome to episode four of the, So Here For It podcast. I am your host, Amy Mingin. And I'm so excited to talk to you today about the negativity bias. Like this is such a doozy of a thing that each and every one of us deal with on a daily basis. And I'm so happy to unpack it today and then repackage it up to give you some really tangible ways to overcome it. It doesn't mean it'll disappear, but it'll definitely help you deal with it in a much more positively geared way throughout your life ongoing, once we're done with this episode.
So buckle up, get ready. My suggestion here is to get real with yourself, number one, and number two, also get delusional at the same time. Because to change something we got to do something different. We've got to [00:01:00] get a little bit delusional. We've got to actually believe that we can do it. So if you've seen somebody else do something that you want to do, that's what I mean about allowing yourself to like step into a bit of a delusional state in order to access it.
All right, so let's get started. Let's talk about the brain for just a minute. And I know I talk about the brain and I talk about neuroscience at least a little bit in every single episode. And I know you guys love it. And this is where you can bring neuroscience and mindset together. Now, inside our brains we have something called the reticular activating system or the RAS. Now the reticular activating system is a bit like the observation hypothesis.
Now I'm going to talk quantum physics and then I'm going to bring it into like a really tangible way of how you can apply this to your life. Now [00:02:00] people will say that the particles behave a different way. And when I say the particles, it means particles that are floating around, like a particle is only a particle because it's being observed. If it's not a particle, it's not being observed and it's in a wave format. This has been explored by lots of people. And I'm not going to go into it today, but there's a really cool guy, Rizwan, I can't remember how to pronounce his last name, but he talks about the simulation hypothesis and the double slit experiment.
And if you haven't looked into it, I highly suggest you go and have a look at it. It's very interesting. But let's talk about how the scientists figured this out. So if you can imagine a wall, and there's like a wall in front of the wall and they've got two slits cut out of it. So there's two holes that are, that are like those big metre long [00:03:00] rulers that they used to have at the schools. Right. And they send, they fly the particles towards the wall. And what the scientists expected is that the particles would go through the slits and end up lines along the back wall.
And that's exactly what happened because they were observing it and that's what they expected. But when they turned away and they weren't observing it, but they were still filming it, the particles acted in a different way. They turned into waves. They didn't necessarily, they turned all splodgy. They went in all chaotic different patterns and they were going more in a wave format rather than a particle format. And didn't behave in the way that the scientists expected. But as soon as the scientists looked and observed again, then they acted the way that they expected it to.
Now, let's bring this into everyday format. Let's bring this into your every day.
When you think about [00:04:00] getting out of bed, when you think about making yourself a cuppa, when you think about, you know, touching your phone, when you think about starting your car, all of that stuff's actually pretty familiar, right? It looks the way it's supposed to look. It acts the way it's supposed to act. Unless it breaks. But what you observe is what you're observing. And is acting the way that you would expect it to act. Because it's being observed by you. Now I want you to consider, how do you create something new in your reality? And how do you know if it's in your reality or in your imagination?
And this is where the delulu has to come into it. Because there's been some studies done on basketballers. Love this story. So we've got two groups of basketballers. Group one is taught by the basketball coach and they have the basketball [00:05:00] court. They're taught how to shoot hoops with actual basketballs by an actual coach in real life.
They bounce the ball. They throw the ball in the hoop. They practice for an hour a day, every day. For two weeks. The other group, they are taught by a visualization coach, not a basketball coach, a visualization coach. And these other people in the other group, the second group, only visualize shooting hoops.
And they're just visualizing for a whole hour, while the other ones are doing it in real life, they're shooting hoops for a whole hour.
Who do you predict are the ones who would shoot more hoops, when both of them get a hold of the basketball?
Well guess what.
The people in the group that were visualizing getting it in the hoop, actually shot more [00:06:00] hoops than the people who actually practiced in real life. Now isn't this interesting. So, what are you currently observing? And I wonder, are you observing it as working out for you? Or are you observing it as not working out for you?
And we all do this. Like this is the negativity bias. This is what we are wired for, because remember what I said back in season one, we have the brainstem. We have our survival tactics and mechanisms that play out in our body. It's a natural occurrence that it's not wired for a positive emotion. It's wired for survival.
And what's the survival trying to do? Keep us safe. What's it not want to do? It doesn't want to change because it's already feeling safe, right? Anything that is going to make it change makes it feel unsafe. So here is the thing. The negativity bias shows us the most negative route [00:07:00] first. So you go, all right, I really want to go and do that training. And the negativity bias is like, oh, but you've done so many trainings before and you've never actually followed through with it.
And dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And so then you talk yourself out of it. But then you go, you know what? This one is actually different. I'm going to go to this training and I'm going to apply it and I'm going to get the repetition and we're going to visualize myself, I'm going to visualize it working out. And I want you to try this on yourself, like any time you notice the negativity bias kicking in, I want you to say to yourself, what if it worked out?
What if it worked out? What if the offer that I'm selling sells out? What if more people listened to this podcast? What if people are watching social media more than ever and love my content? What if I eat the foods that are [00:08:00] so, so good for me every single day and I'm so committed to that? What if I finish a marathon? What if I achieved my goal? What if I find the love of my life? What if I have super connected, beautiful, self-responsible relationships? Like do you know what this is a bit like? Whenever you get into a positive 'what if' loop, you start believing in yourself. You start feeling a bit like what you feel when you change your state. When you go into gratitude. When you're thankful for things. It's really interesting. So want you to catch yourself any time that the negativity bias is playing out for you. I want you to start being like, hang on a minute I know what's happening here. But sometimes you might let it roll for a little bit and that's okay. So long as you can catch it at [00:09:00] some stage and bring yourself into that state of what if it works out? That is key here. Now to circle back around to the reticular activating system, it sets your brain up to expect things.
So for example, here's the power of visualization. If you were to visualize yourself, let's say you want to get a new car. This is a really great one, and it happens, it's so interesting. And I've watched it happen to so many people. It's so cool. Now I want you to imagine if you were to get a new car, choose the car, choose the color, choose the type. So for me before I got my current car. I was picturing myself in a different car, actually. And I kept seeing myself in this sporty little white car. And I'm like, What is this? What is, what is this car? And I had [00:10:00] assumed that it was a particular model of Mercedes actually. And I was like, that's the car that I want. And I had that on my vision board for awhile. And then it wasn't until I went, being for real, going to get the car, that I realized that it was actually a different make and model. It was actually a BMW. And that was like my ideal car, I jumped in it. As soon as I got in that car to test drive it, I was like, this is mine. And, you know, the car sales guy tried to do all the car sales things that they do. And I'm like, I don't really mind what you say right now because I'm going to be taking this car.
So we did whatever it took to get me that car, which is great, right? But the reticular activating system was seeing this little white car I had assumed it was one, but it was in fact another. And this is the thing about manifestation. This is the thing about our negativity bias. This is the thing about the reticular activating system is sometimes [00:11:00] it's way more specific and sometimes it's a little bit different to what we're visualizing. So be okay with whatever the outcome is. Be grateful for it.
A really good example of this is when you manifest a partner.
If they don't look exactly like your vision board, can you just be okay with that? If they don't have the exact amount of money that you want them to make. Can you just be okay with that. What if they're on their way to that? What if that's your ideal?
I think that there is such a huge expectation on perfection these days. And there's a lot more that can be said for people who are in it for the growth. Now the reticular activating system is going to show you that same thing over and over and over and over again, just to show you that it is available to you. That is in your [00:12:00] field. It's in your quantum field, it's in your quantum reality and it's up to you to show the action in order to get it.
So I'll tell you a little story here. My husband and I have wanted to get an investment property for awhile. And I said to him, Oh, I need to, I need to talk to the accountant so that we can get the tax done so that we know our borrowing capacity, blah, blah, blah. Anyone who's bought a house, knows the process. Got to talk to the broker. Got to get all this stuff from the accountant, and sometimes that can be a little bit complex depending on your circumstances.
Not everyone has a nine to five job. I certainly don't. So as soon as you are what's considered self-employed, regardless of the amount of income that you have, the banks are like, oh, this is risky. And it's like, Oh seriously. No, one's, I just want to say this while I'm on this topic, no one's job is 100% safe just because it's a job. [00:13:00] That is programming in society. And for me in particular, I am so happy running my own show and running my own business that I don't know how I would go working for somebody else.
And that's why I kept switching into my business. Like I had a couple of, what would I say, a couple of like hobby goes at my business before I jumped into it full-time and really gave it a good go. And there's nothing wrong with that. If that's the space that you're in right now, go for it. Anyway, I'll stop going off on tangents and I'll focus on what I was going to say about the reticular activating system.
Now the reticular activating system, when we're talking about it, we want to get in the vibe of the thing that we want to attract, right? Like this is also about manifestation. The more often that you can get into the vibe of the thing that you're wanting. So for me, when I was buying the car, I wanted to look for, [00:14:00] look at those, those cars. I wanted to test drive it. Now that we're looking at investment properties, we're going in, we're looking at properties, we're looking at things online. We're talking to brokers, we're talking to a buyer's agent. So we're actually getting in the vibe of the thing that we want. Again, we're getting out of the wishing and hoping and into action mode. Because I don't know about you, but you don't get too far when you're just sitting around wishing and hoping. When you just wishing and hoping and not taking the action, aligned action, then nothing really changes.
And this goes across the board in your life. This, this is with relationships. This is with money. This is with business. This is with your job. This is with your kids. Connection. Whatever it is. Your environment. Your health. You think about it across the board, you can say that you want something, but if your behaviors are not matching up with what that thing is that you're saying that you want, [00:15:00] of course it's not going to happen.
So get in alignment with what it is that you want. At the very least start researching it. Become more involved, become more empowered about it. And what happens is in your brain, the reticular activating system starts to expect to see that. Starts to expect to feel that. Starts to expect more and more opportunities with that specific thing. If you never start, then you won't get it. That's the, that's the really, really big thing with a lot of people, is they struggle to get started. And then you've got the other people who struggle to change things. And then you've got the other people who struggle to stop things. And then, oh, there's one more struggle. The people who struggle to complete things. So wonder which type you are. Often the people who get started faster, stop faster. And then often the people who start [00:16:00] later, take a really long time to get started, they're usually the ones who will complete things, but it just takes them a lot longer.
So start utilizing your own reticular activating system to your advantage because otherwise guess what happens? We're wired for negativity. We are wired to stay safe. The brain will just go into what I call NPC mode. The non-playing character. Life happens to you. Reactive. Don't know why that happened today. Total victim mode. Don't know why that person spoke like that to me. It's the life happening to you and that's not very empowered. If you're noticing that you're doing this. It's time to make a change. And the only way to do that is to step into your main character energy, and the main [00:17:00] character knows what they want.
Even if it's a small thing. If you're out for lunch, I want you to choose that thing off the menu.
Don't just be like, oh, I don't mind you order for me. I'll just have whatever you're having. No. Choose the thing that you want. Start making decisions, because this is upgrading. This is your version of you, who you are becoming. Are you just totally passive and letting life take you in drifting wherever you, wherever life takes you. Yes, there's no guarantees there. There is absolutely no guarantees. And no wonder you don't like it because you haven't chosen it. So if you don't like it, it's time to choose it. It's time to change it. And it's time for you to step into the main character, energy step onto your own main stage. Step into your own spotlight. And do something about it. Use your own biases in your own way, or else negativity is going to take over your life. And this is for real, and this might be a really big wake up call. And if [00:18:00] you're triggered by this, you're welcome. There is something about getting triggered that often people wait to be triggered before they go into action. So if this has triggered you and you go into action, you are welcome.
Welcome to the main stage. Welcome to your main character, energy, and welcome to the rest of your life that you're actually choosing. Because every single moment of your life, you do get to make decisions. It may not be the big major life changing decisions that you think that you want. But if you start with the micro things, it will happen for you at the macro level. For example, you change by stopping, hitting snooze in the morning. I come back to this. Every single time, because it is life-changing you stop hitting snooze and you start bringing in healthy habits in the morning and it will change your life.
Stop hitting snooze..
That's the micro [00:19:00] change that you can make that will change the trajectory of your life. And you're like, Okay Amy, I've already done that, now what? Drink some water. Okay, I've done that, now what? Go exercise. Okay, I've done that, now what. Figure out what you want. Stop waiting for your negativity to choose for you. Stop waiting for Monday. Stop waiting for the next retreat. Stop waiting for next year. Stop waiting for things. Stop being an NPC. Like NPCs, I don't know if you know what I mean, like if you're not a video game player, you probably are like, what's an NPC? A non-playing character. They're literally the characters that are the fill-ins in the background of a video game.
They're not playing. I want you to get hold of your own controller and play inside your own video game. You are the main character. You have control over the decisions that you make, you get to the lights, you can turn left, you can turn [00:20:00] right, you can go straight, you could do a U-turn, whatever the thing is, take control of your life. But I'm going to remind you of something. Don't take so much control that you think that you have to control every single outcome.
You only need to work to the 50% capacity so that the universe can meet you halfway. Universe slash God slash spirit slash the quantum.
Hear me, and hear me well. When you step into your main character energy, and you start making decisions and you start following your heart and allowing your intuition to lead you and allowing yourself to take intentional action. Things change in your life.
This is what I'm here for. It's this empowered version of you. It's this taking responsibility for yourself. It's this you being who you truly are. It's you vibrating higher daily. [00:21:00] It's doing what you're supposed to do and being who you are truly in this lifetime. Stop waiting. This is the biggest piece inside this episode. Your brain is there to keep you safe. It's wired for negativity. You keep focusing on shit. Even if you roll it in glitter, it's still a piece of shit. So I want you to stop focusing on the shit and start focusing on the good things in your life. Start focusing on what you want. Start focusing on the cup being half full, start focusing on all the great things in your life and start watching your life change. Watch yourself change.
Start making those decisions for you. And it might sound a bit like you're only live once, but we don't know what's on the other side. So why not make the most of it? Why would you hold yourself back? It doesn't make sense to hold yourself back. It doesn't make sense to be an NPC. It's no coincidence that you're [00:22:00] listening to this in your ears right now.
If you could make one change right now, what would it be? And what I want you to do is to go and do that change and then share this really powerful episode with someone, share it on your socials. Tag me. I want to know what you're doing to change your life because it is way too short. There are far too many people who have their lives cut short and they never get to fulfill their destiny. But I want you to, and you know that you have it in you.
So be brave. Do the courageous thing, make a new choice, make a new decision today, share it on your social media. Tag me. I want to know what you're up to. And share this powerful episode with a friend, because it might be that one thing that saves someone today. That changes the trajectory of their life. And they probably have such a gift inside of them that is well worth sharing. And [00:23:00] that means the world to me. So let's share these ripples of beautiful motivation out there to people. Let's share it far and wide. Make sure that you rate, subscribe and review this podcast. So I can get this message into so many more people's ears who are just like you.
Thank you so much for listening. Oh, my goodness. I cannot wait to speak to you on the next episode.
