[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to another episode of the So Here For It Podcast. I am your host, Amy Mingin, and we are talking all about self sabotage today. Oh my gosh, this is such a huge topic. And so many people ask me about it all the time. Just when you start seeing results, then you go and do something to undo the results.
And it's like, Oh my gosh, does it frustrate you? Does it really frustrate you? Because it's like the self sabotager, the self saboteur comes out and before you know it, you end up going back to exactly where you came from. Now, here's the reason why. Most people are driven by fear. They're driven away from their current reality.
And if you think about it this way, this is an NLP concept, and they talk about people being carrot people or stick people. And I want you to consider this. [00:01:00] When you want to change, do you wait until it's incredibly painful and annoying and like you just cannot take it any longer, like you just want to change?
Or, do you go from this, Oh I have this deep desire for change and that's why I'm changing. Because very rarely are people the second. They go through particular consciousness levels and eventually you become desire based. But most of the time, most people are moving away from pain and toward pleasure. So it's another reason why we are self sabotaging style people because the pleasure is so much easier to get these days.
You think about it. How hard is it to get yourself out of bed on a cold morning to go out for a run, to go to a Pilates class, to food prep, to make sure that you're organized. Like a lot of people find this stuff super overwhelming. And I want to say, once you're organized, it is totally not overwhelming, but you've got to start with the one thing and you've got to start [00:02:00] with doing the hard thing first.
Most people can't get through the pain of that first step. They'd rather sit in the pain and complain about where they're currently at. But then think about it this way. All right, you start to notice change. You get through that first painful bit. You're like, cool. I've not got the pain of doing nothing and being in the pain of let's, let's take weight, for example.
A lot of women come to me so they can release weight. So they can change their mindset around food. So they can have a better relationship with themselves and their body. They start to notice change and then all of a sudden they come in and they're like, Oh my gosh, I had such a big weekend or a bad weekend or this, that, or the other, they'll label it, whatever it is.
And they're like, I'm off track. Do I need to start again? And I'm like, no, you don't need to start again. All you need to do is get back on track. Why is the self sabotaging behavior coming out? Because they started to notice change. Now this self sabotaging behavior is like, what is the familiar pain that they're used to? They're just reverting [00:03:00] back to the familiar pain rather than moving towards something that's more unknown.
I want you to think about this. Why do you do what you do? And how do you do what you do? Are you somebody that goes for the easy option every time? Without even thinking about it? Like we think, think about walking into the shops. You go into a supermarket, and inside the supermarket there's one aisle, usually one aisle that's labelled health food. What does it make the rest of the supermarket? Pretty scary, right? And people who aren't organized, people who are going in there hungry, people who are going in there stressed, people who are going in there overwhelmed. Most people aren't educated around food as well and how to read a label or even how to eat whole foods or cook them. You can see how the sabotaging behavior comes out without them even realizing because they haven't yet figured out a way that works for them to move away from the pain that they're [00:04:00] currently in.
So I want you to do this. Let's simplify it. Simplify it because you get that this is my message through and through with everything that I talk about, regardless of whether it's health or business or life. Once you simplify, it makes it easier. And if you are moving away from the pain, it's perfect because it's an easy change to make.
Choose one thing.
I'll give you an example. My client who is overseas, she worked with me for a period of time last year for her mindset, and she's back now working on her physical body, which I'm so excited about. Her life is humongously busy. And she's like, I don't know how I'm going to fit the food prep in. And I know that you're going to ask me to food prep. And I'm like, well, what if you got a little bit of food? Like, what if you just went, and because she's in an American country, I said, what if you got like, I said a kilo of apples and it ended up being like two pounds, two pounds of apples. What if you got two pounds of apples?[00:05:00]
And she goes, okay, I could do that. I can stop by and get two pounds of apples. I said, I want you to eat one apple a day. Which to most people, they're like, so what, Amy, like one apple a day. What, what big change is that going to make? It's going to make a massive change in somebody who isn't currently eating an apple a day.
It's going to make an absolutely huge change in somebody who currently doesn't believe in herself that she can make a change with her food. It's going to make a huge change to her gut health because it's reintroducing fiber, it's reintroducing bioflavonoids, it's reintroducing some antioxidants into her world.
Her bowels are going to change, her hormones will change, her belief in herself will change. And it starts with one thing. So I'm just giving you that as a really prime example, because I literally used that as a task for a client last week. That this can be so simple if you let it be. But the self sabotage behavior could come out again.
I get it. Like, what if she then doesn't buy the apples next week? Well, then I say buy the [00:06:00] apples again. But also this is that simple behavior. Once you bring this simple behavior in, you bring the next simple behavior in. It's not about changing everything all at once. I think the self sabotage likes to come out when it's overwhelmed.
So, if you go, alright, well, if I'm feeling overwhelmed, and I freeze, and I don't do anything, and I go back to my safe behaviors, which is painful behaviors, what is one thing I can change? Do the one thing. It could be hydration, it could be going for a walk, whatever the thing is. Do the thing that the self saboteur cannot touch.
Once you do the one thing, then you bring in the next thing. So you only change one thing at a time. This is going to be the biggest piece of advice that you'll ever hear, because most people think that to change their life, they've got to change everything all at once. But most people will meet the saboteur because they're changing too much all at once.
And it's too much for the nervous system. Unless your nervous system is in a peak condition, then you're actually not ready for that much change. Most people are not. Most [00:07:00] people can't just go balls to the wall and change and go all in straight up. Most people are not committed. And I say it with love.
But, you'll all agree with me, I know it for sure, you're not committed. So let's help you step towards commitment as the first thing, because the self sabotage behavior is currently winning. How do we win against the self saboteur? We start to make tiny changes and tweaks and subtly, and all of a sudden you start believing in yourself.
You start becoming the new identity. This is key. It's not just about doing things. It's about the becoming. It's about the new person. Once you become the new person who makes these new behaviors, your self saboteur doesn't even get a look in. And then you start to become the carrot person. So stick person has to get whacked with the stick in order to move, in order to be motivated.
It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Oh, I better move. That's a stick person. A carrot person is like, [00:08:00] Oh, I can see the changes I'm making. I feel really good about myself. I believe in myself. This feels really good. Look, I fit into these pair of jeans again. Look, I'm feeling more confident when I walk into a room.
Somebody noticed how great I'm looking. They told me that I'm glowing. This is amazing. You're getting positive feedback, and then you actually can figure out why you're doing it. It's not just because you don't want to look that way and you don't want to feel that way. There's something else that's underlying that's driving this behavior.
And that it's not until you get away from the pain and you're more neutral and you're looking toward the future that you can actually tune into your why. And the why is what's most important when you're setting a goal.
So here's where I think most, most coaches, most practitioners get it wrong, is they get everyone to set goals at the beginning, but most people won't know what their goal is until they're out of the pain. So get away from the pain first, get the behavior change happening with the really small, simple things. So you start to believe in [00:09:00] yourself. You start to be consistent. You're committing to what you want and then make the goal.
And the goal is based on your why. So why are you doing what you're doing? Why do you want to look different? Why do you want to feel different? Do you want to live to 100? Do you want to be around when your grandkids are born? Do you want to be around when your great grandkids are born? Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to hike Mount Kilimanjaro? Do you want to like do Everest Base Camp when you're 70 years old?
Who knows? Whatever your goal is, whatever drives you towards your why, you're not going to know what your why is until you're out of pain. You can get your carrot, which is like what you're going toward, what is your desire, you will get your carrot moment once you are more neutral in your nervous system.
So I think that most people will probably get quite surprised by this particular episode because they're looking at all of the pain that they're in. They're looking at all the things that they do, in inverted commas, wrong. You're not doing anything wrong, [00:10:00] you're just doing the same thing that you learned, because it's a survival tactic, and it's the pathway of least resistance, and it's what your nervous system is used to.
Doesn't make it comfortable, probably is still painful, but you keep doing it anyway because it's familiar. Most people would rather keep going with their familiar version of hell, rather than going to the unknown and find heaven. It's a cliche moment. And I want you to consider what would it take for you to start believing in yourself, to commit to what it is that you want, to find your why, because I think that most people, when I said, what is your why they would have said family, they would have said something else, but what is your why for yourself?
When do you get a look in on your own list? When do you get something that's personal to you? That's what I want to ask you. And that's why I love working with people because once you tune into your own personal why, and it feels so selfish, but it's a really great thing. You [00:11:00] start looking after yourself and you truly tune into that why, that is when the work starts.
That is when you actually start to really realize that you are the most important person to look after. You are the most important person to continuously make great decisions for. And also, you are the most important person to love and forgive and continuously learn and trial and error and forgive again.
So I want you to take from this episode so much love for yourself, first and foremost, and acknowledge that you've come a really long way in your life already. And now notice in any area of your life where you currently feel pain or you want to move away from, or there's a big fat stick hitting you every single day.
Most people have at least one. Some people have several. It's time to make change. It's time for you to do something for you and it's time for you to be number one on your priority list. [00:12:00] So if you're currently thinking about making change, if you're currently sitting in that pain cycle, what is one change that you can make?
Make it super simple, make it super doable and make it a daily practice. It could be five minutes of meditation. It could be walking on the beach. It could be sitting in nature. Whatever the thing is, it could be an apple a day. Whatever it is, commit to it.
And I also want to leave you with this. If you don't currently believe that you are the most important person in your world, I want you to start moving yourself toward that.
I want you to start realizing that you are here for a really particular purpose. You are here to do things in this world. It is no coincidence that you are listening to me right now in this moment. And it's no coincidence that this is what has been brought in front of you right this moment. So I want you to make the most of it, make the most of this [00:13:00] opportunity, make the most of you being able to be with yourself and improve yourself, but also learning to love yourself.
So I hope this has helped. Thank you so much for joining me today. I will see you all on the next episode. And also if you have a friend who would really love to hear this, please share it with them. And also it helps me so much if you rate and review and share this podcast. Oh my goodness, there are so many people out there who need to need to hear this, who need help with this, and I'm here for it.
So thank you so much for joining me, and I'll talk to you on the next episode.
