[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to another episode of the So Here For It podcast. I am your host, Amy Mingin, and today I am talking all about imposter syndrome. It is the biggest topic I have been talking about all week, not only with clients, but also inside of discovery calls and also with people from the general public.
This is not something that is just exclusive to people who are successful. Imposter syndrome can happen to anyone at any time. Like it literally is a sign that somebody is about to go through a big growth phase. And I get really excited whenever anyone goes, Oh my God, I'm feeling like a fraud, like I shouldn't be sharing this thing, or I haven't got enough information to share this thing. Or I've never done this before so who am I to do this? And I'm like, who are you not? Who are you not? Because most of the time you're forgetting all of these past experiences that you've had. [00:01:00] You're forgetting all of the qualifications that you've got.
And even the people who you've been to from different modalities who have helped you, that you've integrated something from. So I want you to remember this, whenever imposter syndrome pops up, it might sound a little bit like this.
I'm such a fraud. This is that little voice inside of your head. Oh, I just don't know enough. Mmm, I'm not good enough. It has to be perfect before I put that out there. Like, if you're doing this, this means you're in the waiting zone. And guess what happens in the waiting zone? Absolutely nothing. Actually, I wrote down the four things that happen, to know that you're actually inside imposter syndrome.
And it doesn't mean that you're having all four at once, but if you're in any of these four things, listen up, it means that imposter syndrome is happening. And also listen up, I'm going to give you some really tangible tips of how to come out of it. [00:02:00] So number one, you want things to be perfect. Like you have somebody who says I'm a perfectionist or I suffer from perfectionism.
As soon as somebody says that to me, I'm like, cool. So do you feel good enough to do the thing that you're talking to me about? Do you feel like you've got the things that it takes? And usually they'll answer me with no. Which is really unfortunate because they've got so many gifts and talents that are ready to be unleashed to the people out there, to their ideal audience, to their ideal clients, and nobody else is like you, nobody else has the gifts and talents that you have.
And at the experience level that you say it at. So let me just say this. If you're waiting for it to be perfect, you're probably always going to be waiting. Can you say this: progress over perfection. This is the thing with recovering perfectionists. Done is better than perfect. And it's like, Oh, it sounds like a good enough thing.
[00:03:00] Isn't it better to have something out there rather than nothing? Isn't it better that people are actually getting hold of the right information rather than something that someone's just grabbed out of chat GPT? Like, I want to hear it from you. I want to hear what you think about what you think about.
And I sure as heck know that your people want to know what you think about what you think about. That's how they choose you. And there's value in that. There's so much value about you valuing what you think and how you think about it and the opinions that you have based on all of your experience. So there's no way that that isn't already perfect because it is part of you, right?
It's an aspect of you that you have come to all of these different agreements and different conclusions. And you've culminated all of these different ideas all to this moment. So how could you be waiting for something to be perfect? Because life is dynamic, time is dynamic, and so are you. So it's okay to change your mind.
If that's also something [00:04:00] you perfectionists that are like, oh my gosh, but if I choose this one thing that that means I'm going to miss out on everything else. Like, no, it doesn't. It doesn't mean any of that. It means that you get to say what you say. It gets to be perfect for that moment. And later on, if you change your mind, you just say to people, Hey, I found other evidence of this, and this is what I believe now.
And doesn't that give you like a little bit of a sigh of relief inside your nervous system? It does for me.
Now, the next thing, the next few are all kind of similar, and it's going to relate to the one thing. If you say that you're overwhelmed, and you go into paralysis, or you say you get analysis paralysis, you're probably in imposter syndrome.
You think about how it feels when you just cannot make a decision, and you know you want to, and you know sometimes you have to, but you just simply cannot make the decision. If you're in paralysis, then you're probably inside imposter syndrome, and the best thing to do is [00:05:00] something, anything.
There is no right answer here. You just need to take some form of action. Now that could look like taking yourself on a walk. It could look like journaling. It could look like dancing. It might be a yoga class. It might be anything, posting on social media. It might be like your worst post ever that actually ends up being your best post ever because you actually did it.
There's a whole big difference about thinking about what you're going to do and actually doing it. And that is the way to come out of paralysis. Again, I know, easier said than done, because when you're in paralysis, you're kind of frozen, right? Which leads me to the next point.
The third P is procrastination. If you're procrastinating, there is something going on in your nervous system. This is a huge sign to me. Yep, you're overwhelmed. Yep, you probably need some help with your nervous system. And you're in a freeze response. So sometimes when people have been in fight or flight, so in this like high functioning anxious kind of [00:06:00] state for a really long time in fight or flight, it takes a little bit for you to then end up completely shutting down.
It happens after a while. There's nothing wrong with you. This is a normal part of the nervous system. But if you find yourself procrastinating, in paralysis, being a perfectionist, no doubt you're inside a freeze response. The best way to get out of that again is movement. You need to move your body. The body keeps score. The body goes into tension and contraction when it's time to change. Sounds weird, right? So again, the way out of it is to show action. The best thing to do, do some breath work. Do some form of transformational activity. So it could be breath work and going to yoga. It could be going to a new Pilates class. It could be going dancing, like go and do something different to what you've been doing. Because if you're in a frozen response, I dare say you're putting off going and seeing friends. You're [00:07:00] saying no to social outings. And I would also say that you're probably just feeling a little lackluster in life.
So if this is happening for you, it's okay. You can help yourself. You can definitely help yourself. Push yourself outside your comfort zone just a little bit. Go for that walk. Go do the class. It's going to help take you out of the freeze response, and then you're actually going to be able to show action and do something that's more in alignment.
Now, the very last thing is people pleasing. I find that every single imposter syndrome person ends up being a people pleaser, which is so interesting. Also part of the fight or flight response, it's called fawn. So the person who's people pleasing, this is something that it's said a little bit, but I don't know if you've ever heard it before.
People who are people pleases are doing things so that they feel better. It makes it look like they're doing things for other people, but they're actually doing it to make themselves feel better. So they get this boost of [00:08:00] endorphins and dopamine by serving people, because somebody else potentially doing something for them makes them feel uncomfortable. So they have to go and people please so they feel worthy. So they feel like they're needed and wanted. I know it's a little bit shadowy, but people are doing the best with the resources that they have.
So now you have new resources, you know that it's related to your nervous system. So if you're going, Oh, yep, tick, tick, tick, perfectionism, paralysis, procrastination, people pleasing. If this is you, perfect. You now know what to do. Go move your body. Go breathe a little deeper, go work on your nervous system, calm yourself down, and my suggestion here is to do it without drugs or alcohol or even herbs or anything external to you. You can do this yourself through your lifestyle techniques.
And it's really, really important that you bring this in. And I feel like this is such an important thing to [00:09:00] say, because so many people rely on, Oh, I'm not feeling so good, or I'm feeling anxious, oh, I better go take my anti anxiety herbs. Oh, I'm not feeling that good. So I better go do this thing that makes me feel better.
Are you actually changing your belief patterns by doing that? Or are you trauma bonding to your resources? I know I said, go and do the thing, but that's to get you out of the freeze response. The next step is to actually get into alignment. Do you know what you want? Do you know your own value? Do you know where you're actually going in life?
And that's the next step. Once you're out of procrastination, perfectionism, paralysis, people pleasing, the next step is to actually show action on your dreams because they're not waiting around for you. Time doesn't stop.
If you have ever heard of Bronnie Ware, she wrote a book called The Five Regrets of the Dying. And I [00:10:00] reference her fairly regularly, but one of the biggest things that people regret when they're dying, and she was a palliative care nurse for many, many years. And she wrote a book about all the stories, right? One of the biggest things is people not living up to their potential. Not doing the thing that they really wanted to do.
So I'm going to leave you with this. If you continue on the current trajectory of you staying in imposter syndrome, is it actually serving you? And if it is serving you, figure out to what extent it's serving you. The next step is, what do you really want? Figure that out. That's a really deep question, by the way.
Because if the first thing that came to your mind was something material, I dare say there's something deeper there. Keep asking yourself why, at least five times, and then you're going to get to a deeper answer. And usually most of the time, people just want to feel content. They just want to feel happy. [00:11:00]
But you know what? There's a huge difference, a huge difference between feeling content and feeling happy. Here's the difference. Happiness is often a pursuit. Happiness is often one of the Achilles heels of high achievers. So they go, all right, well, when I get to that, then I'll be happy. But you've already achieved goals that you thought would make you happy.
I'll say that again. People think that they're going to be happy when they reach goals, but you've already achieved goals that you thought would make you happy. So that's why I really want more people to start feeling content. And that's why it's really important to figure out why you want what you want, why you're doing what you're doing, and why you're going where you're going.
Now this is going a little bit deeper than where I ever thought it would go, right this second. But I know for sure it's going to land with you and you're going to get so much out of [00:12:00] this and just stop being an imposter because you're not. Like you're here to live your life. You're here to do what you're here to do.
So go do it.
So thank you so much for listening. It has been an absolute pleasure to have you. And if you could so beautifully share this with a friend, I would adore that. Because this sort of information really does get to be shared far and wide with far more people who you care about, particularly whoever you're thinking of right now, just share this episode with them. Talk about what you're dreaming about, talk to them about what they're dreaming about and why. Ask them why. Like, this is the beauty of what we get to have in our life.
And as always, if you could rate and review this episode, I would be so, so grateful.
[00:13:00] So thank you so much for joining me this week, and I'll see you all again soon.
