[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to another episode of the So Here For It podcast. My name is Amy Mingin, and it is so exciting today to share with you the mirror effect. Now, if you've done NLP or you've had coaching, you would have heard of perception is projection. And I feel like people can go down a big, dark rabbit hole with that particular concept, but today it may sound to some people a little similar to that, but the mirror effect is this. It's the concept that the world is reflecting back to us what we're already internally feeling. Now, if you notice things in your life that are beautiful, guess how you're going to feel? More beautiful. But it's the chicken or the egg.
Do you feel more beautiful before you notice the beautiful, or do you notice the beautiful and therefore you feel more beautiful? Do you know what, I don't think it really matters. What I think matters is that you start to [00:01:00] notice things. And that's what this episode is going to be all about. I'm going to tell you some really cool stories about how this has changed some of my clients lives, how it has changed my life and how you can change your life just by listening to this episode.
So buckle up. It is going to get really, really great. And it might blow your mind a little bit as to how incredible our minds work, as far as how it controls what we see in our reality. Now, as humans, we have five senses, right? Sight, taste, hearing, smell, feeling, but do we use all of them? Because 95 percent of the time, the unconscious mind is running the show.
The unconscious mind runs the body. And until we consciously think about focusing in on one of our senses, which is usually how I tend to meditate, by the way, I'll talk about that in a bit as a adjunct to this. [00:02:00] Until we notice what we are sensing, we can be very much stuck in our heads. And then if you think about what you're thinking about, then your version of reality is going to go through that thought lens.
So, let me give you two different examples because I like to show you some contrasts and I'd love for you to identify and relate to at least one of these or somewhere along this spectrum.
Alright, so person number one hops out of bed. The very first word that goes through her mind is, today's a great day. She stretches, her feet hit the floor, she feels really good in her body, she goes to the bathroom, brushes her teeth, looks in the mirror, touches her skin, and she just is just so in awe of her own beauty. She goes out, she has a glass of water, she goes and stands in the sunshine, she's feeling really, really great. She notices that the birds are singing, she notices the warmth of the sun, [00:03:00] and she stands there for a moment of gratitude while she lets the sunshine go into her eyes in the morning. That's version one.
Version two. Wakes up to a really loud sounding alarm. Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr. She's startled. She quickly throws the covers off the bed, races into the bathroom, does a quick bathroom stop, forgets to brush her teeth, runs straight to the kettle, puts the kettle on, makes a cup, a cup of coffee, and then races around trying to think of what she's supposed to be doing because she is always running late.
She's like, I'm definitely running late. I feel like I'm running late. Oh my gosh. And she's racing around getting her things ready so that she can get ready for the day. She's not noticing anything. She's noticing one thing. It's her scramble nature in life. It's her feeling like she's in a rush, her feeling like she's behind and her feeling like everything is stressful.
Now I'm sure that we've all [00:04:00] had a time of both, but I want to know how often are you allowing yourself the first version and how different would your life be if you were intentional about the mirror effect being more like that first version.
Now I'm going to tell you a story. I have this incredible client. And when she first came to see me, she said that she needed help with her mental health. She needed help with her nervous system. And she'd always been told by adults around her, cause she's quite like, she's not super young, but she's younger. She's younger than me. She'd always been told by the adults in her life that she wouldn't amount to anything. She'd always been spoken down to. She'd been yelled at. So she had quite a horrific upbringing. She had to bring up her younger siblings because her parents worked a lot. It was quite traumatic for her. So her nervous system didn't have any form of calibration of safety. So every single situation she was going into, she felt [00:05:00] fear around everything.
So what do you think that she attracted into her life? She found things in her life, because this was the lens she was viewing her life through, she found different ways that she could feel scared all the time, all day, every day she was in fight or flight. All day, every day, then that would then turn into freeze mode, to the point of when she got to me, she hadn't left the house for a little while.
She really wanted to get to the point where she could leave the house by herself, where she didn't feel scared to go driving down to the shops by herself, where she could go and interact in crowds. Like this is where the nervous system can get to is that it gets into such a scared state that it's hard for people to actually show action because it makes you freeze.
So bit by bit, I actually taught her the art of glimmers. Now you might have heard of glimmers on social media, or you might have seen videos on it. And glimmers are this. [00:06:00] Glimmers are noticing when things are going well. I also like to add in the word pronoia. This is acting as if everything is rigged in your favor.
This is having the innate belief that everything is working out for you. Now, how can you bring a glimmer into your day? And this is what I asked my client to do. I got her to go outside with no shoes on, stand on the grass and simply look at a tree. Look up at the leaves, notice how the sun shimmers through the leaves, notice the shade, look at the different colors of green, look at the different ways that the birds move through the tree, that she might notice some insects.
And then once she's noticed it with her eyes and her sight, then I wanted her to tune in with her ears and notice how she heard things, what was she listening to? And all of this while she's just standing still and breathing. Now, this is a form of awareness, [00:07:00] open meditation. And what this does is it helps to reprogram the subconscious mind.
It helps to reprogram the nervous system. And it took her very quickly out of fight or flight. It helped her as glimmers, it actually was more effective than antidepressants for her. I'm not saying to anyone that they have to come off their medication, but what I'm saying is if you've been recommended to take medication, maybe this is a really nice thing that you could add in into your life.
Start to notice where things are working out for you. Start to notice where things have natural beauty. Start to notice when things are actually really great. Now, this is very different to gratitude because I feel like a lot of people can do gratitude in their head, but do they actually truly feel it? I can write a gratitude list. I used to do it every morning. I used to tick it off and I'd be like, yep done my gratitude. I used to do meditation every morning. Yep. Done my meditation. But it was literally a cerebral [00:08:00] event. And what I mean by that is I would think my way through all of it. Things don't actually really land in our bodies until we embody it.
And what I mean by that is we've got to learn to feel. And that's where this client of mine really needed to go into is to learn to feel, and it was very scary for her. And that's why it was great that she sought out for me to help reset her nervous system. So then she had the support so she could get there.
Now, this isn't like a promotion of me doing things to do with your nervous system. Like I just want more people to have more ideas, more tangible ideas to actually enjoy their life. Like no matter where you are in life, I actually think that is so beautiful to be able to be more aware, to actually notice what is going well, and to have a glimmer practice every single day.
Because if you can be more in your body, if you can actually be in your five senses, it allows you to be more receptive. [00:09:00] And where does being receptive get us? It's receptive to that mirror effect. So what is being mirrored back to us is what we will believe about ourselves. And then when we believe that about ourselves, we will perpetuate more of that in our lives.
So yes, it is a little similar to gratitude, truly felt gratitude, 100%. It's also really great for us to tap into our infinite potential. To tap into the quantum field. To actually make true change at an energetic level. Now, this is a practice that is so simple. I think humans over complicate things. If you can be more in your body, you can be more receptive, you actually get to know yourself more, you have more clarity around what you do and don't want, then life begins to happen more so in a more directed way from you rather than by default.
So think of it this way. If you're not choosing what you want, if you're not choosing to notice what you notice or feel what you feel, then [00:10:00] it will be chosen for you. And I would dare say it's only going to be put through you from that 95 percent of your subconscious mind that's trying to keep you safe, that's trying to avoid the bad things that used to happen to you.
We're negatively wired. We have this negative bias in our head to try and keep us safe, right? Remember when we're wired for survival, not for happiness. So we have to choose happiness. So when people say choose to be happy, this isn't like a big gaslighting session to people who are depressed. Not at all.
If you're depressed, this is a whole other thing. Use the Glimmers. Use the Glimmers so you can start to build the life that you really want. And this takes time. It took my client about three months to really come out the other side, but now she's in such a different place. She's started her own business.
She's doing so, so well. And she actually is proud of herself rather than hiding and shying away [00:11:00] from people. She's bought herself a car. There are so many cool things that have happened in her life. Since she actually allowed herself to get into her body. You can't just live from 5 percent of your brain.
It just literally, you cannot just live by default. Like we, the world has changed. The vibration of the world has changed and it is time for us to rise up with it. If you don't. Then it's going to be delivered to you. And like, I don't know about you, but I love to have choice. I absolutely love to have choice.
So every single day I'm wanting to choose to go, today's going to be a great day. You don't have to know what's going to happen that day in order to choose for it to be great. But imagine that mindset going into your day. The order you're putting out there to the universe to be reflected back to you is to have a great day.
Whereas if you wake up and you start worrying about something, guess what? You're going to probably get mirrored back to you, multiple things that you're going to get worried [00:12:00] about.
The other way that I want you to consider this is how are people responding to you? Now, some people will say, Oh, that person, oh, I don't want to hang out with them because they trigger me. But have you ever considered if we're talking in the mirror effect, if that person triggers you, what is it in you that is triggered?
Like, there is something that you can actually go inside yourself and work out where is it coming from. And you can self parent yourself. You can actually be inside your nervous system and hold on to yourself. Like there are so many different ways and I'll teach you a few tangible tips in a minute, but there are so many ways that if you're feeling triggered by someone, you don't have to avoid them.
But you can self regulate yourself. And that's where I would really love for you to start aiming for. Instead of avoiding, stay with it. You don't have to move toward it, but you can stay more neutral and you can stay more stable and be inside your [00:13:00] body rather than think your way through, or presume what that person means by whatever they've said or whatever they've done.
So how I would do it, if I'm feeling triggered, I would usually, if the person is someone who's close to me, I would usually ask them a question. Say, Oh, that just felt a bit ick for me. Can I ask you a question around what you actually mean? And then that way they can clarify it for me. Cause I might've taken offense to something that they've said, which they totally didn't mean to.
And it usually happens in a way, so I'm manifesting generator and my projector friends and my projector husband, they speak quite directly, which I love by the way. But sometimes I feel, I feel, and it's a me feeling, I feel attacked by what their words say. And I go, Ooh, I'm taking it this way. Did you mean it that way?
And they're like, no. Actually never. They actually never mean it the way that I've taken it, which is why I've learned to ask the question. And then I can go, all right. So there's something in me that just got offended or triggered by that, and I can [00:14:00] self regulate. I can be calm. I can take a moment to myself.
And instead of blaming or shaming myself, I just go, Oh, that was an interesting little thing, and I can shake it off and we can go on our business. As opposed to imagine that happening, me taking offense and then stonewalling. And then they're like, what did I do? And me not talking to them and I'm avoiding them.
And you should know this and you should know that. You can see where these sorts of conversations end up going. And this is the mirror effect. And if somebody is being overly confrontational, then, and they're acting from those triggers, they're not necessarily helping. The way to help it is to find that equilibrium in yourself without blaming and shaming.
So it's about trying to stay in a neutral state, calming yourself down, allowing yourself to feel seen and heard. And gaining clarity. Like that's the biggest and best thing I can ever say is, in [00:15:00] relationship, if you can get clarity around what the person means when they say something, that is the definition of communication right there.
So if you can get clarity, go for it. It's the absolute best thing because sometimes it'll happen in a slightly different way as well. Like think about it in a social media sense. And you're following someone who's amazing on Instagram. You're like, Oh my God, I want to be like her. This is so great. And some days you feel really like it's an aspirational piece of content until one day it's not.
And it's like, you're jealous AF. And it's just like, why does she get all the things? Why is arrghh, and it's like this like jealousy thing comes out. This is kind of similar. It's on a really similar spectrum and it's like, okay, well, what is this trigger here? This comparisonitis doesn't need to occur because it's coming from a negative side of the coin.
Like flip the coin and be like, well, why am I feeling triggered about somebody else's life right now? What, like, where am I in my life? What is this [00:16:00] mirroring to me? And then without the blame and shame, figure it out. Usually it's because you're like, Oh my gosh, I am so excited about having that style of lifestyle.
I'm so excited about having that success in my life. I'm so excited about, you know, somebody might have just had a baby and you're trying for a baby. And like, that's the big trigger for you. It's like, Oh my gosh, I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms. Like there are so many different times when, someone's going to have what you want.
But the trick here isn't to focus on the gap and be like, Oh my God, I can't believe that person has it and I don't. See it as the, Oh my gosh, that's in my field. How lucky am I? I'm bringing it closer. So you start to slowly shift it and you're going to start to utilize the mirror effect to your advantage.
Now, I want to just run through a couple of different ways that you can practically apply this information today. [00:17:00] Without going into too much complexity, the first thing that I'd love for you to do is journal. And if something's triggered you, or if something isn't working out the way you thought it would, or there's something that you're observing that you can't quite put your finger on, sometimes by journaling, it helps you gain so much more clarity.
So that's number one, journal, sit there, free journal. You don't need prompts. You can just do a free writing exercise. You literally, this is what you would do, put the date. And if it's about a trigger, for example, here's what's triggering me right now. And then let the words come out after it. And then you can look at it and it actually is like this self coaching. You start to gain clarity about where it's coming from, you gain more self awareness and then you can gain more self compassion. Remember, we want to try and stay in the compassionate side of things rather than trying to blame ourselves or shame ourselves because the blame and the shame just is it's low vibration. It makes people feel bad. [00:18:00]
And if you're like, take this for advice right now. If you're self reflecting only to find the bits that are, in inverted commas, wrong with you. Then you're just being mean. If you're self reflecting to actually self improve and show more compassion so you can heal, then that's the way forward.
Now, I want you to also have a think about anytime that you're judging yourself, be curious. So you might judge yourself for what you've worn to a conference and you don't feel like you've dressed appropriately. You're judging yourself. Okay. Get curious. All right. Well, maybe I can bring, bring the goods tomorrow to today too. Maybe I can find a way to tweak the way that I've tied my, my top. So I feel like I've dressed it up a little bit. Maybe this is just how I'm supposed to look today. Maybe this is actually [00:19:00] perfect for where I'm at in my cycle.
What if I got to the place where I actually feel really good about what I'm in? Can you see how it's like a stepping stone? And instead of judging, it started at judgment, but through the words of curiosity, you can move yourself toward neutrality where you're actually feeling pretty good about things. So start to, anytime you notice judgment to get curious with yourself.
And then I want you to start, number three, start to create your own positive mirror, your own positive projection of the world. And it might feel like sometimes you fake it to begin with, but you need to set your GPS in the future.
Like, where are you currently? Where do you want to be? Set that in the future. If you're visual, create a vision board, create, I've got like a Pinterest mood board that I will just scroll through at least once a day, just to like, get the mood, get the visual of what that looks like. Here's my ideal life. I love this.
I'm traveling to there this year. I'm going to have so much [00:20:00] connection with friends. There's so many cool things that I'm going to be doing this year. And it gets me in that feeling of feeling so good about my future. But if you are not visual, that's okay. You can find the feeling. Did you notice I went into the feeling just then?
The feeling is the most important part. If you're more auditory, so you listen to things, that my suggestion is to record your own voice and then listen back to it every single day. What is it that you want? What is it that you love? What is it that you're grateful for? What is it that you notice are the glimmers?
Record these things, listen to it. And so many different ways that you can bring this into your nervous system so it creates more positivity inside of you. It increases your vibration. It increases your chance of waking up the next day, choosing. Choosing life by design, as opposed to life by default. This is always what we're aiming for.
This is what self growth actually is. It's self growth. If it's being sold to you in a shamey sort of way, that's not the [00:21:00] way. Let go of the shame. Bring in the compassion, move towards neutrality, and then move towards positivity. It is such a stepping stone to move through this in life. So wherever you are on that spectrum, it is totally okay.
Show yourself compassion. Notice how far you've come already, because no doubt you've definitely made moves in your life. For sure you have. So even if you're not where you want to be, and most people aren't by the way. Most people feel like they're behind in life. Most people think that they would like more money in their bank account, or they want to get another qualification or they want more clients.
So most people want more. And that's totally okay to want more, but I want you to honor where you are right now. That's the most important bit. Now set up the future for success by being more positive. And this comes from actually feeling better about yourself, having a better expectation of the mirror effect. Find your glimmers every day and guess what will be reflected back to you? More [00:22:00] positivity.
So this was a really exciting episode to record. I hope that you loved it as much as I did. Thank you for having me in your ears today. I am so excited that more people are rating and reviewing this as well. So if you haven't already, can you please rate and review this?
I would love to reach more people just like you. I'm so darn appreciative of being in your ears each and every week. If you haven't already listened to all four seasons, go back to the beginning. Listen from the beginning. It is like a Netflix sequence, people tell me, they just love binging it. So jump in, binge away, go for your walks, enjoy your life, and I'll see you next week.
